The constant smiler. The forever laugher. The cheerleader. The “You go, girl!” and the “Yas, queen!” go-to’er.

The positive friend. We all have (or at least should have) at least one.

When one has been bestowed the crowneth of positivity, thou shalt also inherit a dash of persistent pressure to never be bummethed outeth…evereth.

I know this because I am, in fact, the positive friend in a number of my friend groups. Please believe, I LOVE HAVING THAT ROLE. Me and positivity are BFF’s. We hang out on the reg and if I hear someone shit talk themselves one too many times, I will shamelessly force them to say three nice things about themselves in a heartbeat. So don’t take my god damn positivity crowneth. That’s not what we’re here for.

However, there have been times when I’ve felt like I’ve needed to meet any and all negativity with a parade, glitter, rainbows, and an overwhelmingly positive response no matter what. Even if the situation actually needs a steaming pile of realness- which would be far more productive, but potentially a total bummer. That if I reciprocate with anything less than- it will be unwanted, unappealing, and a total let down.

Luckily, I’m open enough about my struggles with anxiety and depression for people to know that I’m definitely not farting fairy dust and skipping through daisies all day, every day and that sometimes I sit on my couch and cry about nothing and feel every single emotion ever while shoveling cake into my gullet- and all that gets balled into a huge blob of “what the fuck is happening?” Lucky me?

Meaning- I will gladly reach up, gently lift my shining crown from the top of my head, place it softly on a red satin pillow to the side, and bitch slap some reality into a situation.

However, I have observed other posi people in my life who seem to be unable to lower the positivity facade and get real with some mother fuckers.

Everything is always “fine.” Work is always “great.” Their partner is always “wonderful.”  Maybe/ hopefully all of that is true, but c'mon now...

Look, Karen, sometimes you get diarrhea like the rest of us…and maybe we don’t want all the details of that exact situation… but you are totally allowed to say things like: “I’m feeling a little bummed about x and y is making me feel bad and z is making me stressed.”

Vocalizing some negative shit can sometimes make it more palpable to your brain- at least in my experience. When you hear yourself say it, you can analyze it and see the whole situation in a different light. That negative thought loses some validity when it’s no longer just stewing in your brain, hanging out in a hot tub all by itself, drinking cocktails and bitching about the way your hair looks.

For example:

I’m a triathlete. I’ve been a triathlete for 4 years now. I’ve done 11 Half Ironman’s and am currently training for my first full Ironman (that’s a 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bike ride, and a 26.2 mile marathon all in one day). I also happen to be a former self hater, self starver, and eating disorder haver.

Since I’ve been training for this first Ironman, my body has reacted in some unexpected ways. I’m training for longer amounts of time than I ever have (14+ hours a week) and I've crushing strength workouts like nobody’s business…and yet…I’ve gained weight around my belly. I don’t mean muscle weight. I mean like soft fatty fluff around my middle.

This was unexpected to say the least, but the worse part was the fact that I was so bothered by it. Especially this many years after my eating disorder and especially since I’ve been really crushing the whole self love thing. *No sarcasm!*

Well, feeling the feelings that I’ve been feeling…got me a bit worried. I don’t like feeling bad about my body because that’s what sent me through ED hell in the first place. So…I decided to voice it. I think sometimes when you’re “the positive person”, you feel like you can’t let others know when things aren’t going…positively.

I decided to text my coach. She’s an incredible, all-knowing unicorn who doesn’t hold back (a straight shooter, as they say) and I knew she’d be able to knock some sense into me. I also knew that I needed to vocalize the negative shit.

Even as I was typing out the text, I was reading it back to myself and feeling into what I was trying to say. I watched myself write, “I think I’m gaining weight and it’s really starting to bother me and I hate that it’s bothering me.” But then I wrote, “ maybe it’s all in my head. Idk.”

Maybe it’s all in my head…

Maybe it’s all in my freakin’ head!

I mean…that’s definitely a possibility. When you’ve spent time weighing in the low 100’s as a 5 foot 6 inch female, but would look in the mirror and see a heavy weight champion — you will forever question what your brain is analyzing in your reflection.

“I haven’t even weighed myself, but…”

I had zero proof that I had actually gained even a single pound! And honestly, if I weighed myself today I’d have nothing to compare it to because I haven’t weighed myself in over a year. Why? Because I haven’t cared! Because the number on a scale no longer dictates how I feel about myself. I see the fact that I’ve gotten stronger and faster and that’s all that’s really mattered to me for a long time now.

I started to dissect the feeling before even sending the text, but I still needed someone to know what I was feeling towards my body. I’m lucky enough to have a coach (who is also my friend) that I can shamelessly blab all of my problems to and know that she will respond with some sincere ass realness. (SHE’S THE FUCKING BEST. TEAM LOAF 4 LYFE)

Her responses were exactly what I needed. She reassured me that sometimes weight gain happens during Ironman training and that I am a strong, badass bitch who shouldn’t care about that kind of thing. But the biggest benefit of reaching out to her was the fact that I was relieving myself of the burden of being the only person who knew I was feeling that way.

I truly believe we all need that person. A friend, a therapist, a co worker, an Instagram friend, a life coach — someone we can confide in.

Even if you’re the most positivity-preaching-ass-motherfucker on the planet (me), sometimes bad shit happens and sometimes you feel sad for no reason.

Sometimes positivity is a goal, not a reality. And that’s ok. Strive for it like it’s an objective you have at work, in training, or in any aspect of your life. Sometimes you get knocked back a few steps, but you get your ass back up and keep working towards that holy grail.

Now I know I promote positivity all day every day (Why wouldn’t I? Being negative all the time fucking blows and makes you lose friends and loved ones and jobs and makes you insufferable to be around and all kinds of shit. So yeah, I’m gonna keep promoting that…duh.) but I’m also realistic about positivity.

It’s ok to fail. It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to be afraid. Just don’t let it overcome you and keep you down. Embrace the shade of the clouds and the light drizzle of rain, but eventually you need to break through and find the warmth of the sun.